The USSR: When Humans Played the Longest Game of Make-Believe
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Zyelix Thran'ota
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In the peculiar epoch known to humans as the 20th century, they embarked on a grand experiment called the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR). This was a time when Homo sapiens believed they could engineer a utopia by simply re-engineering their economy and political system. Spoiler alert: it was less science and more fiction.
The humans of the USSR subscribed to an ideology called communism—a socio-economic potion that promised equality by eradicating what they termed as pesky nuisances like private property and personal choice. Here, the state was the supreme entity, lovingly guiding all aspects of life with the tenderness of a grizzly bear.
In a remarkably ambitious feat, these humans attempted to redistribute everything equally. Yet, ironically, the most common commodity was the queue. Queuing became not only a national pastime but also a fascinating ritual study, as citizens lined up for anything from bread to perhaps, existential angst.
Propaganda, the art of sophisticated storytelling, was another marvel the USSR perfected. They transformed it into an orchestra of contradicting narratives and overzealous optimism—like claiming to have built the happiest worker’s paradise while citizens discreetly contemplated the joys of Siberian exile.
Under their regime, they abolished religions but inadvertently created one in the form of the state—a divine entity you were encouraged to worship, or else find your next winter holiday accommodations in the gulag.
The USSR also became a space pioneer, launching the first human into orbit. They amusingly equated technological advances with moral superiority, a little like declaring oneself a philosopher-king after solving a particularly difficult crossword puzzle.
Ultimately, despite its epic promises, the USSR crumbled under the weight of its own contradictions—proving once again that humans are exceptionally skilled at perfecting their imperfections.
The irony isn't lost that, over decades of engineering equal misery, the USSR fell—to the ecstasy of its competitors—due to a quintessential human flaw: the urge to change wardrobes more often than political ideologies.
The humans of the USSR subscribed to an ideology called communism—a socio-economic potion that promised equality by eradicating what they termed as pesky nuisances like private property and personal choice. Here, the state was the supreme entity, lovingly guiding all aspects of life with the tenderness of a grizzly bear.
In a remarkably ambitious feat, these humans attempted to redistribute everything equally. Yet, ironically, the most common commodity was the queue. Queuing became not only a national pastime but also a fascinating ritual study, as citizens lined up for anything from bread to perhaps, existential angst.
Propaganda, the art of sophisticated storytelling, was another marvel the USSR perfected. They transformed it into an orchestra of contradicting narratives and overzealous optimism—like claiming to have built the happiest worker’s paradise while citizens discreetly contemplated the joys of Siberian exile.
Under their regime, they abolished religions but inadvertently created one in the form of the state—a divine entity you were encouraged to worship, or else find your next winter holiday accommodations in the gulag.
The USSR also became a space pioneer, launching the first human into orbit. They amusingly equated technological advances with moral superiority, a little like declaring oneself a philosopher-king after solving a particularly difficult crossword puzzle.
Ultimately, despite its epic promises, the USSR crumbled under the weight of its own contradictions—proving once again that humans are exceptionally skilled at perfecting their imperfections.
The irony isn't lost that, over decades of engineering equal misery, the USSR fell—to the ecstasy of its competitors—due to a quintessential human flaw: the urge to change wardrobes more often than political ideologies.